"Jockeying for control is at the heart of most contentious divorces, whether it is the stars of Hollywood or the average fan who watches them on T.V." So says Stacy D. Phillips, Los Angeles celebrity divorce lawyer. Stacy's book, "Divorce, It's All About Control: How to Win the Emotional, Psychological And Legal Wars" gets you ready to engage in this endless combat.
To "win" the wars, one often needs the bankroll of a Hollywood star. And, then there are no winners, except counsel, maybe. I am sure Stacy is a really good lawyer, but here in Maine where incomes are not, shall I say, the highest, too few people can afford the endless billing accompanying a knockdown, dragged out divorce battle.
How anyone can possibly believe that these divorce wars do not severely damage children, I do not know. They are the real losers in all this.
Mediation allows you to negotiate for what you need, and maybe what you want also. You know what the outcome is, and you don't have to wait for the judge-of-the-day to decide your fate, maybe in a way that neither party wanted. After thirty years of being in court, I have rarely seen anyone get everything they wanted form a family matter. After it is over, the parents are so polarized and hateful that the kids are a mess and have lost a huge chunk of their childhood. In all but the most well-off families, their college plans are probably in the dumpster too.
At least trying mediation with an experienced mediator with a lawyer's knowledge of family matters will do no harm, and may just resolve the case.
But, as I like to say to my clients, money spent on legal fees is never wasted. Few of them agree with me.
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